i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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