I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
