Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
