I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
