at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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