Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
