I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
