i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
