Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
