sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I smell like Dick and happiness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
