Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
