So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
