i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
