You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
