when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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