You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
