You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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