I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
