I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
