So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
