if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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