We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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