i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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