it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
