My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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