What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
