my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
