Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk is not a location!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
