to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
