i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
