we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
