you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
