Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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