How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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