Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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