we have officially lost it.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
