So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
