who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
