Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
