We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
