A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
