I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
