if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
