we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
