I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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