When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
