haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
