dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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