Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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