Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
