You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
