Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
