the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
