Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
