Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
