once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
