I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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