He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
